Several months ago, I was scrolling through the High Calling Blogs reader and came across a thoughtful story from Wide Open Spaces. I appreciated the writing, but it took a few months before I got to know the blogger behind Wide Open Spaces, Charity Singleton.
After taking someone’s suggestion to follow Charity’s blog more closely, I ended up inviting her to write for High Calling Blogs, exploring what “family” means to a single woman. In the process of interacting about the post, we discovered that we live about 25 minutes away from each other.
Charity invited me to attend a book club with her, but I blew it. I didn’t get the book read in time. Fortunately, she was gracious and flexible—when she was done with book club, we met at a nearby Starbucks. While sipping coffee at an umbrella table outside, we discussed everything from organic foods and mutual friends to our families-of-origin and rural Hoosier childhoods. The conversation continued nonstop until about 11:30 p.m., when a worker started power spraying the sidewalk next to us—a hint, I suppose, for us to get going.
Shortly after our epic coffee conversation, I invited Charity and an organic farmer to our house for tea, cake, and an impromptu dinner, because I thought we’d all enjoy discussing food and farming. The thrown-together pasta dinner turned out to be, ironically, decidedly non-organic, hurriedly prepared from jars and boxes. But everyone ended up fed, and we had a good laugh.
After that evening, Charity invited me over to her place and offered me black tea—she’d noted my preference from that non-organic gathering and went out of her way to pick up English Breakfast tea, one of my favorites, to accompany the zucchini brownies she made. We talked about work, blogging, publishing, art, and pollinating zucchini plants by hand. That came up because I mentioned that my son was craving zucchini bread, but my zucchini weren’t ripe and in some cases didn’t even seem to develop from the flower. For a quick solution to my son’s craving, she offered some zucchini from her surplus.
We even met the following Saturday morning for a 45-minute jog together. Though we ran rather slow, time itself flew by as we continued our conversation…conversation that started online and has increased through blog conversations and email. We were already discovering all that we had in common, but meeting in person and spending time together has accelerated the process, deepening our friendship as we experiment with ways to be a family to one another.
Today at High Calling Blogs, we’re launching a community writing project to share stories about how real online relationships can become:
“You Are Real” Community Writing Project
Over the next week, you’re invited to write guest posts on a network-friend’s site to describe how online life has been (or not been) an experience with becoming real to one another. Your story may involve the delight of meeting someone in person, or it may illustrate that even though you haven’t met, you can nevertheless become real to one another. We encourage swapping posts as a fun way to demonstrate friendship and community, though you’re welcome to post something on this topic only on your own site.
When your “You Are Real” guest posts are published, drop the links into the Simply Linked tool (below), and we’ll direct you back to the full list a week from today on July 28, when we highlight some of the participants. If you have any problems, leave a comment below with your link.
“Spoons” photo by Claire Burge. Used with permission. Post by Ann Kroeker.
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This is a fabulous idea, but darn it, my connections are outside of Higher Calling. Anybody want to befriend a former teacher/pastor’s wife/children’s author?
Caroline, you are welcome to write about outside connections!
I was so eager to read your story today, Ann. What a terrific post.
Both you and Charity have become “real” in my life, though I’ve never met either of you. I’d love the privilege of meeting you both in person some day. Iowa isn’t so far away!
As a former skeptic of whether online friendships were “real,” I’m excited for this project and will be participating in this with a woman who has become a dear friend as a result of our connection through online writing. Thank you for the opportunity.
Can’t wait to read yours, Jennifer!
Charity and I are trying to figure out what we’ll swap for the project–since I introduced by telling how we met and started making all these connections, we have to get creative about how we’ll talk about it!
But I also have to run the vacuum, because Charity’s coming over this evening to continue the conversation!
Jennifer — You are real to me, too. I remember the first time we met, when we posted an almost identical picture in an almost identical post.
Hey Ann, road trip to Iowa?
Pack the zucchini bread and aim west!
Would you mind sending a batch of those zucchini brownies my way? I need a reminder to, uh, pray that your trip to Iowa goes well.
Fun post, Ann. And I’m serious about those brownies, Charity.
Sometimes I think virtual can be more real. What a wonderful idea!
Well, that’s an fascinating comment, Sandra…would love to hear more about your thoughts on this…and your experiences!
You mean, we are supposed to invite our selves to someone else’s blog for a spin on the wheel? How about if I guest-post for my own self?
I don’t think I would turn myself down…
I love these stories of connection. And to find out you practically live next door? What a grand story.
Blessings.
Either way! You can contact someone and propose a post swap, or just pour a cup of tea for yourself and publish at your own blog.
Charity and I are going to try a swap. Since I’ve turned our relationship into an example of “real-ness” today, we thought it was appropriate to guest post for each other.
In my kitchen, I have a certain flower photo that I’d like to use as my image for my post, from a certain Simple Country Girl that I know.
I love this story. It is so fun, so unexpected.
And of course I first met you both in person at Calvin at different conferences, though I believe I introduced you virtually which led to you meeting in person. Which is. Okay. Weird. And wonderful.
The vacuum thing made me laugh. I am jealous of the zucchini bread (and can be mildly assuaged with a link to the recipe if one exists). I could then eat the real bread, thinking of the real you’s, while admiring that real (or is it virtual?) and 0h-so-marvelous photo that is gracing today’s post.
I see you say you found her blog first, which means that technically I didn’t introduce you… except that I asked Charity to join HCB because I love her so much and I wanted her to be a part of this. (Okay, Charity, is that how you remember it? Or maybe I need a real correction!
)
I stumbled on her *in the Google reader*, so that was after you had her join. And I was only randomly dropping in before you told me to follow her more closely and recommended her as a contributor to family. All of this “realness” has happened very recently, and flows out of the fact that we’re both part of HCB!
Charity’s zucchini bread:
http://charitysingleton.blogspot.com/2010/07/obvious-choice.html
Are you kidding me?!?!? I was just thinking that I should sit down and find a recipe for zucchini bread and then…ta-da!!!!
Yay for this community!
Wow, I got here WAY too late to respond to any of these questions (including the link to the zucchini bread — thanks, Ann!). I am here in time to say that this community has become a very real part of my life. And I am working on ways of communicating my relationships online to those I know in real life. There really is a lot of skepticism about whether this is real.
I made Charity’s zucchini bread (in the form of muffins) recipe today–yum!
And, Charity? I feel I should mention that I added chocolate chips to one of the batches. I’m not sure how you feel about that, but we Kroekers believe that almost everything is better with a few chocolate chips thrown in!
Ann, thanks for stopping by my blog today!
The pleasure was all mine–I hope your move goes smoothly. I suppose we won’t hear from you until you unpack your computer?
Anyone is welcome to use any of my blog posts as long as I get credit and a link back to my site. If someone wants to guest post on mine for this thing, let me know. I’m always open to meeting new friends. I met a few friends, namely Cassandra Frear and Duane Scott, online by accident. It’s been great. Then, there’s Patti Lacy as well as others who have been such an encouragement to me. The Family of God is truly more than just a building.
Look for a post from Cassandra next week! And thanks for opening yourself up to the HCB community like this, Nikole!
Thank you for including me!
Just love the conversation taking place here. It is wonderful to be part of this family. I am looking forward to participating, and perhaps swapping guest posts with a friend I’ve met through HighCallingBlogs and the 31-dbbb project.
What a blessing to be family.
Janis
I love that you grabbed that word to describe us: “family.”
I look forward to reading your swap, Janis. How nice to have met a friend through the 31-dbbb project and then highlight that friendship through the You Are Real project!
Ah yes —this wondrous crossing over from the screen to .. supper!
I remember this with you…. Meeting you in person, Ann, was great grace! I can read this post and hear in audio, with your voice, seeing your eyes dance. You are vivacious and you are real and you exude this exuberant curiosity for life and even just typing this, I feel anxious for this fall and a few days of you!
It’s hard to imagine…. but you in person trumps even your words. This is a good thing, you living your words out.
Charity is so blessed to have you around the corner and vice versa!
I am looking forward to September, Ann!
All’s grace,
Ann
All’s grace, indeed! You live it, write it and pass it around. Thank you for this. I can’t wait to laugh and marvel, write and think, pray and ponder with you in the fall.
Also, I think I might borrow that phrase for my swap post with Charity this week: “From Screen to Supper.” I’ll give you full credit, of course, for capturing our unfolding story in four words.
“Vivacious.” Perfect word for Ann Kroeker! Yes!
I look forward to a face-to-face with a few of you kind friends in the fall, but I know that I don’t have to “see” you to know the REAL you(s).
I am so jealous, and cannot wait until the fall when I get to meet a handful of my favorite “real” friends. We should make a documentary or something. I can see the slo-mo running to meet each other through the field of wildflowers…
…music swelling, soft-focus effect…
And then Ann K. trips, because something embarrassing inevitably happens to me when I meet people in person and hope to make a good impression.
I spill something (root beer on my pants when meeting with my editor) or injure them (I stepped backwards and my heel came down hard on folk singer Carrie Newcomer’s foot minutes before she had to perform) or say something that I mean one way but comes out all wrong (I’ll have to tell you about my Lauren Winner story later…when I told a friend of mine last weekend that I’d be in a session with Lauren Winner, my friend said, “Maybe you’ll luck out and she won’t remember you.”)
It’s my way of just keepin’ it real…
i am so happy to add this to the list…
http://www.redorgray.com/2010/07/friend.html
Those are very sweet and real books sent by a very sweet and real friend. Thank you for sharing your link and story.
I’ll share a brief one. Once I was confined to the psych unit getting what I’ve come to know as a Bipolar tune-up. I was feeling low, cut off from the world. Low and behold a package came for me. It was a monster-sized fruit basket from none other than Murphy Klasing, a blogger from Houston I’ve come to know in my on-line world. It made my day.
What thoughtful generosity! That fruit must have tasted extra sweet knowing it came from someone who knew of your plight and truly cared. That kind of “real” is so powerful…to feel known, remembered, and loved. Thanks for sharing your story, Tony.
What if I highlighted what several of my online friends (who I’m trying to get to join HCB) did and how I have been impacted in one of my Friday Favorite posts… it was the COOLEST week of the impact of social media so I wrote about it… does that work?
http://jennyrain.com/2010/06/04/friday-favorites-round-7/
I’d love to share this link “officially” up above
Yes, this is a wonderful example of how real people can become–please include your link in the linky tool above!
Say, would you be able/willing to update your post with a link back to this “We Are Real” post? It would be so nice to tie in together so that people who end up here or at your post through an Internet search could read the stories at both places–perhaps together we can convince people that online is not “fake”!
Hi Ann
Absolutely! If I can figure it out, maybe I can even include the HCB badge right at the top. Thanks.
I’ve gotten to meet a lot of my online friends too and it is such a blessing
LOVE HCB – just discovered y’all last week and am already enjoying it
This is a great idea! I’ve had some conversations with some local friends lately who have doubted the substance of online friendships. I agree with many others here in the comments that this online community can quickly become a ‘real’ family.
I’ll try to work out a post swap so that I can join in the fun!
You’re so good at it, Dan, you are teaching us how to use social networking to the max–maximizing their strengths to maximize relationships. Thanks for leading us in it! Can’t wait to see who you swap with and what you both write!
Thanks Ann! *blush*
I’ve found someone to swap with, and I’m looking forward to the opportunity to doing this! Thanks for leading this project!
Fun! Fun! I love this idea. And love the story of you and Charity meeting and growing your friendship, both on and offline.
Deidra (Jumping Tandem) and I are going to do this — we plan to post and link here on Tuesday next week. Can’t wait. Already thinking about what I will write about her!!
Okay…and I have to ask ’cause I’m nosy and a little bit envious of the thought of people meeting in person…what’s happening this fall? I am always the last girl to hear about stuff!
Sorry for the 3rd comment in a row…just saw a reference on Glynn’s blog to the fall gig…an HCB editors retreat. It all makes sense now!
I was about to tell you, then you figured it out!
I’m happy for you Ann.
you know, I was a little leery about the real part of blogging. Kind of the same reasons I shy away from facebook. There are some places I don’t want connections, and it’s hard to draw lines .
Very slowly I realized a blogger I value was born and lived a street over from where I was. We are planning to meet in a few weeks. She now lives just a few minutes away. This connection is incredible for both of us.
And I feel in my just know kind of way, that I will meet some others. Some of you.
A meeting with two women who make me tremble at the thought fell through, but I am confident and full of hope and prayer and crossed fingers that it will work out again when the time is right.
and if any one wants to come by , you’ll find me doing dishes or laundry or sneaking a minute on here, or just out driving a child somewhere. But there’s usually something on the stove, and an assorted collection of children and young adults to welcome you.
I’d love to swing by, Deb!
But I also want to thank you for sharing the long hesitation you’ve had, not quite ready to embrace social networking with arms wide open…moving slowly and carefully.
Charity and I were talking about this last night, how several things increased trust and comfort level before we ever met, the biggest being the fact that we had a mutual friend who introduced us (LL Barkat). We trust LL, so we were more open to trusting each other.
That’s an incredible connection you just described–I can’t wait to hear about your meeting in person! That reminds me, Charity and I agree that we are 20 minutes away, not 25. That sounds SO much closer!
Deb and Ann, I’m thinking this is an important addition to the conversation. We are real. And that means taking the same kind of real steps we might take in person, to make sure we modulate how things go. In “real life” we tend to know what these are (even if we choose to go around them), because society/culture has taught us how to do it.
But, if this online life is also real, and has the possibility of ending up at one another’s doorsteps, then we would want to modulate as well. Since social media is a relatively new medium (akin to letter writing, but not, since access is simpler and doesn’t require a mediating introduction), I think we’re just beginning to develop ways to meet who we want to meet (and decline connections with those we don’t, or at least have a spectrum of how close we get to some versus others).
I’m reminded of a quaint tradition my kids just learned about in researching for their Victorian-themed birthday party… ladies had dance cards and had to be asked for a dance (and would set it down on the card) in order to create order to the evening’s dancing. A man couldn’t ask for a dance unless he’d first been introduced. He could ask for the introduction through a friend or family member, but it could be declined and then he couldn’t ask to be put on the dance card. Oh, and an introduction didn’t guarantee that a lady would say yes.
I think we’re still searching and trying out the equivalent of “dance cards” in this new media world. (And I would like to ask Charity if I can have the Zucchini Bread dance… set me down for that and the green tea… if you feel inclined
)
I had to give Jennifer Lee my WordPress password this morning so she could get her own guest post published over at my place since I got on the road this morning before getting it up.
Now, if letting someone into the Inner Sanctum of your blog account isn’t a test of true friendship, I don’t know what is.
(I was secretly hoping she’d get a sudden burst of creativity and leave a bunch of fresh posts in my Drafts. But alas, it appears she had some axe-sharpening to do or something.)
Now *that* is trust!
the guest post from monica sharman is scheduled to post on my blog on monday.
this is a nice idea.
fun sharing!
Excellent–leave the link for us!
Just wanted to say I’ve enjoyed reading all the stories about how We are All interconnected in some way.
I got a kick out of the idea for a documentary with slo-mo effects
Dear Gentlepersons,
I would like to say a kind hello to all of you. I know You only through my sister, Stephie Goldfish and her constant attendance to each of you via this magical carpet ride the web. She has shared so many wonderful insights about her experience in finding such a blessed group of individuals. I feel like I know all of you too. It’s amazing work. Thank you. Kim
Hello dear Kim, and thank you for this delightful comment. We are enjoying Stephie and are pleased to meet one of her friends–the connections are part of this idea of being real, as we introduce one to another!
Ann, it’s been great meeting folks here. I knew so much about Marcus and LL from the online world that I didn’t really know what to say in person the first time we met. All the get-to-know questions had been asked already, so we dove right in to that second level of friendship. Strange experience. Then at Jubilee this past spring, I met Michele Corbett and enjoyed that meeting just the same.
Last month (or has it been longer now?) I found Bob Gorinski’s blog and liked it immediately. Turns out he lives five minutes from me. Of all the towns in the world, you know? We had a good lunch at Neato Burrito and we’ve been in contact ever since.
I can’t say that the online part is equal to the in-person version, but it’s a great start.
Thanks for sharing your story about Charity!
Interesting observation that online “real” isn’t necessarily equal to in-person “real,” but I have found with Charity that one way of interacting accelerates and complements the other. And I love having another way to communicate with friends of mine whom I knew first and for some time in-person.
I agree with the acceleration and complementation (If “implementation” is a word, shouldn’t this be, too?), but I’d always choose in-person if forced to choose.
Yes, acceleration. That’s a good word, Ann.
While it’s not a guest post on someone else’s blog so I didn’t include it in the group writing project, I just wrote Taking It Offline because I was inspired by this post. Great idea, Ann!
Chris, please do include it in the linkage above! We invited people to do either–the guest post idea adds an interesting element, but anyone can write about it and be included. I’m off to read yours now!
Thanks Ann! I missed that last bit about posting on your own site. I’m wide open to guest posting. But I’m a little time crunched today so I didn’t want to wait to organize it, especially being so close to the deadline this week and all.
So glad to see Chris post a comment here, because he’s the one (I think, or was it Bradley?) who connected me to HCB in the first place. I can blame, I mean, thank him!
Dan emailed me last week (or the week before – it all runs together) and asked about doing this project. You can find our posts on each others’ sites.
Great project Ann!
Can’t take credit for the idea, Cheryl…I think it was LL and Glynn who got the initial vision for this project. But I’m very happy to serve as the Real hostess.
I’m looking for real testimonies of how Christ has changed your life. Guidelines are on my main website (http://www.thehahnhuntinglodge.com) and on the blog connected to my main site (http://thewritelife2.wordpress.com). I plan on posting them once a week when I begin to get submissions.
Also, in light of keeping it real, I have several guest bloggers beginning toward the end of next week and the following week. It isn’t titled keeping it real. My blog is about transparency basing it off of what Paul said about God being in our weaknesses.