Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit…John 12:24
I used to work for Jesus. Okay, to be perfectly honest, the treasurer at Covenant Baptist Church signed my paycheck. But in seminary we were taught that ministers really work for Jesus. So I always felt like Jesus was my real boss. I certainly had a title that emphasized my connection to Jesus. I was the pastor of a church, a local gathering of the body of Christ.
In my mind, Covenant Baptist Church was middle management. Jesus was the CEO.
So yeah, I worked for Jesus – sort of. And I worked for Covenant Baptist Church – also sort of. It was kind of a messy arrangement. But still, I always got a warm glow at the thought that I was working for the man upstairs.
Now I work for this guy and this guy. They are businessmen. They make products and sell them to people. They’re good guys, honest and hard-working. And the products they design serve a useful purpose in the world. I also have a new title. I am the Director of Internet Development and Social Media Integration for Philanthromax.
With a title like that, I think it’s pretty clear that I don’t work for Jesus anymore.
I want to confess something to you that I’m a little ashamed of. When I was a pastor, I used to think that ordained, professional ministers were somehow holy and above the secular world of work and profit. I would never have said that out loud, mind you, but yeah, I kind of thought that.
Of course I said all the right things back then. “All work is holy in its own way and ultimately the work of God.” But down inside I still thought we minister-types were kind of special. God’s special little servants.
And now here I am, the director of yada yada whatchamacallit and social media whatever. You might think I would feel a little let-down, spiritually speaking. So why is it that I feel so clean inside? Clean and good and purposeful and righteous? I go to bed at night feeling satisfied about the way I spent my day, and I sleep well. The last year that I was a pastor I was conflicted, depressed, filled with anxiety, and struggling with insomnia.
What is up with that? Wouldn’t you think the opposite would be true? Work for Jesus, sleep like a baby. Work for the man, toss and turn all night?
I can’t speak for all ministers, of course. Many, maybe even most, find ways to function just fine in their roles as church ministers. They seem happy and filled with purpose. So I’m claiming this as my own problem. I could never find a way to keep the boundaries straight when I was a pastor. The messiness of working for Jesus and the church eventually became too much for me.
When I was paid to do the work of Christ, it was hard for me to keep things straight in my mind. Why am I doing ministry – because of a calling or for the paycheck? Why am I going to church on Sunday – to worship or because it’s my job? Why do I love and care for people – because I feel an emotional connection to them or because I’m paid to love them?
I got to the place where I couldn’t tell the difference between love and labor.
My “secular” job, on the other hand, seems very clean and clear to me. I work hard to earn money and make a living. There is something righteous and good about that. And if I go to church on Sunday or find a way to serve Christ, I am more certain about my motives if I’m not being paid.
I’ve decided that the terms “secular” and “sacred” aren’t very helpful. Dividing the world of work into those two categories is very messy. I’d prefer to talk about work and service. There is work we do in order to make money and feed children and all of that. Good, honest work is just…good. It is a goodness in the world. Then there is serving Christ, something we Christians are both commanded to do and find joy in doing. Service is also good. It is also a goodness in the world.
In my case, I had to let go of being a pastor to learn some new things about serving Christ. As I said, most pastors I know seem to be fine with what they do. But I wasn’t.
Sometimes that’s the way it is. You have to let go of something – maybe even let it die and fall to the earth – before your life can bear righteous fruit.
Gordon Atkinson
Photo by Phil Mollenkof.
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Gordon, I think you’re right on with “honest work is just…good” and “service is also good.” What we all have a tendency to do, though, is to be believe that one is automatically “lower” and one is automatically “higher.” We should think of everything we do for “work” or “service” as a high calling. Hmmm…sounds like a good name for a blog site.
I was thinking the same thing (except you said it better).
Gordon,
I enjoy your writings as they address things in Christian culture that no one wants to talk about. I think about these things a lot both personally and the body at large. I’ve never been in a paid position at Church but I certianly have been a “power player” expected to be a certian person (Children’s Church, Women’s Ministries, blah, blah, blah). Inside my heart I would struggled with the overt ministry choking out the covert plans God had in my life.
Now I have no overt ministry. I’m a nobody and sometimes the plans of God have me going to a different Church or (gasp) missing Church. Parts of me scream with frustration. I admit sometimes I miss the job, the box checking, the idea of being a pillar in Christian culture. The true ministry of my life however, is thriving. If I do get noticed these days, it makes me feel ackward as if waking a monster that I’ve just recently slayed.
Nichole,
I’m also in a bit of a reactive stage. I’m preferring quiet roles behind the scene.
Gordon,
First, thanks for being vulnerable. I have thought these things before, but I have never heard a former pastor be brave enough to admit them, let alone write about them! It takes guts to put your heart out there, a hard lesson I’ve learned in writing.
A couple of year ago, I told a former pastor that I really wanted to be in “ministry” so that I could make a difference in the world. I am so thankful that he set me straight by telling me that working for the “church” isn’t always that spiritual — in fact, it can have the opposite effect on some people.
The secular and sacred labels really do hold us back, don’t they? It sounds like you are exactly where God wants you. What an exciting place.
As a used-to-be-pastor guy myself, I appreciate your honesty and can identify with where you are coming from. I find myself loving people and service more now than ever.
Thanks for the distinction too–between work and service instead secular and sacred. Understanding that 15 years ago would have helped me a great deal. But I probably appreciate it in the here and now even more so.
Thanks so much for sharing, Gordon! After years being bi-vocational pastors (my husband and I), it became clear to us that there are many pastors who have no business being pastors. They’re pastors because they love God and want to spend their lives serving him, and see only two options for that – pastor or missionary. But you could see that being an accountant, or a teacher, or a computer guy, or whatever would have been so much more in line with who God had created them to be. It’s sad when I see that, but a great reminder to examine my own assumptions about God and His Kingdom. I find that I, too, am prone to see Him in ways that are much too narrow and uncreative. But I’m finding that the longer I walk with Him, the more wild and unpredictable I find Him to be, esp. in the ways He leads my life. And I’m learning to embrace the adventure, particularly when it runs counter to my expectations (which has been pretty much all the time here of late!).
Anyway, it’s fun to read about your adventure in following Him out of the pastorate into other work, and finding His peace unexpectedly there. That’s just so like God!!
It certainly feels like an adventure to me. I have no idea what I’ll end up doing. But I feel good about not knowing.
Gordon ,
please don’t stop doing what you do when you write like this.
One thing I deeply admire about my Conservative Mennonite brethren who are ministers is that they work for virtually no pay. As a paid pastor myself (now on disability), I became reliant on the paycheck as much or more as the spiritual connection.
It is all sort of weird where we’ve come to… paying certain people to lead our spiritual lives. I guess it’s sort of the Levite model, but then that seemed to fall by the wayside once the Gentiles were brought in and the whole earthly priesthood monopoly thing was traded for a priesthood of self-sustaining (pay-check earning) believers.
LL, I’ve worked this over in my mind for years. Talked with hundreds of people about it, pastors, laypersons, etc. I’ve come to the following conclusions:
1. Professional ministry is fraught with problems. We ignore these at our peril. Not only the boundary issues I’ve mentioned but many others. Perhaps topping the list is the question of how prophetic a pastor can be while preaching to people who can fire him or her.
2. Nonprofessional ministry is a wonderful option IF IT IS VIABLE. Paul could make tents and had that inclination. We should celebrate when people find ways to do that.
3. The New Testament also blesses paying some servants – if their call to service means they can’t earn a living in other ways. Not every church has access to a fully trained minister who has other ways of making a living. If I had to choose between a theological trained paid minister and an untrained layperson, I would go for the paid minister. (All wonderful exceptions duly noted – exceptional people who have read and learned on their own and all of that. Again, very rare)
4. Radical change of existing churches is almost impossible. It is very very very very very difficult for an institutional church with a history of paid ministers to make a change away from paid ministers. It’s probably better to continue with paid ministry and just CONSTANTLY be on guard for the dangers I’ve outlined in #1
What I’ve described would allow us to celebrate bi-vocational and nonprofessional ministries. God forbid we should ever look down on them. It also honors the practical realities of our world. We are the Church in 21st century America. Some realities are here to stay.
I get this, Gordon. When I worked for the church, I felt those same blurred lines. This is what I love about HighCallingBlogs–we try to heighten that awareness that all work is sacred.
So happy you found a peaceful place. For now…
And I think by being the director of yada, yada, social networking…you are working for Christ…using the gifts he gave you in the holy calling of work!
It’s definitley a challenge to love when you work for a church. It seems you face the melting pot of difficult people more often than you would if you didn’t work for a church and you only had to go once or twice a week to worship or fellowship. Boundaries are definitley encouraged in my office.
I loved reading this. As a homemaker, I am trying to see how I fit into all of this. I don’t get paid for any of the things I do in any given day, but there is that same sense of work and service. I had gotten to the place where I felt my life so small, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. So often it is the same mundane tasks done day after day.
If I can truly look at them with spiritual eyes and see them as service to those I love and to the Lord, there is such a sense of fulfillment. It is what He has called me to do right now.
Gordon – Thanks so much for this, for sorting through these ideas for all of us. I also spent years working for Jesus, only to find myself stressed out and burnt out. I left crawling with my tail between my legs from my last “ministry” job. I have found so much balance in serving and working now that I am firmly planted in the “secular” world again.
You are right about that, too, though. The terms “sacred” and “secular” are no friends in helping us sort this out.
Very well written, Gordan.
I’m not a pastor. Never plan on being one. And I totally understand where you are coming with this.
It does feel peaceful to know I’m serving God just because I want to and not because I need the money. I don’t know how the minister types do it. It would be very difficult.
Thanks for this reflection. I spent 2 years in paid work for a church and it has lead me to cherish my ‘volunteer’ status now.
Some people I know relish combining work with service in ministry.
The balance is more difficult when you are tired/burnt out and actually question giving yourself to a place you are not enjoying working for.
Actually Gordon. I am feeling the opposite. I used to be happy (I cannot say always). In hindsight those days were better than what I am experencing now and did not have problems sleeping while in Seminary. Ever since I joined “secular” job I have been having problems with sleep and depression. I wonder what is the turth of the matter. Does God’s word settle this matter. Or are we suppose to not know it till he comes.
I am just feeling the opposite. While I was in seminary, did not have problems with sleep and depression. But since I have joined “secular” having issues with sleep. Not sure what/who is right now. Or this just one of those issues we are not sure of. Little confusing. Am getting something wrong sure. Not sure what to say.
regards
Let me correct myself. I did have problems with depression. But in hindsight, I do not know time in Seminary was better. Why is this so confusing.
Another great post. Thanks.
I often take my sense of service too seriously, and do way too much of the nosleep thing, though I’ve gotten a little better over the years. Not everyone where I work has this problem, and it’s not just because they don’t have a sense a service.
I have to still work at this issue. It does get unbearable at times. And I have to realize that some of my own struggle is actually a bit beyond my control, so I must work at managing it. I’ll let you know.
I totally agree with you on this “You have to let go of something – maybe even let it die and fall to the earth – before your life can bear righteous fruit.” Amen to that. There are so many things that we need to let go before we can bear fruits in our lives. What a great experience you went through. Thank you for sharing.
I am just feeling the opposite. While I was in seminary, did not have much of a problem with sleep and depression.. But in hindsight, I do not know time in Seminary was better. Why is this so confusing. Not sure what/who is right now.
Good post. You would like the book Total Truth by Nancy Pearcey. Talks about the sacred/secular idea and much much more.
I was a janitor at my church for just under two years. It was hard work and I didn’t make very much money at all, but it was the place where “future ministers proved themselves”. I couldn’t tell though if I was enjoying being a servant in God’s house, or if I was only vying for the coveted promotion and I wonder if I proved myself or not, because that promotion never came. The facility staff all were laid off due to financial lack at the church. it made me focus on my education and was probably one of the better events in my life, so I’m right there with you! Thanks for sharing!
I became a Christian counselor as a second career and went on staff with my church for two years. Then I broke out into private practice. I still lead the counseling ministry at church.
For me when I can keep Jesus as the CEO, regardless of the setting, I tend to be a better counselor. When I forget about God and I take control, it can get scary. I begin to think that people won’t get better unless I do something. Big red flag.
At church it was stressful because it was hard to not feel responsible. I can only imagine being a pastor Gordon. God bless you.
I do believe that we can do God’s work regardless of our vocation. I also do business coaching. Even though I switched to becoming a counselor, I missed my prior business career. I believe God gave me the business skills so I guess I am supposed to keep using them.
I just convince myself that God has different seasons for us. Gordon I hope you enjoy and grow during this season! Blessings.
secular and sacred are not concepts from the hebrew world – or even the greek new testament – they are conceptual abstractions of a combined reality – that somehow seeks to divorce them. I would consider that all work is sacred from the perspective that God gave man work to do – and doing it well is the highest calling. In that work we can choose to honour biblical principles or not – we can cheat and lie and be dishonest in business, or we can uphold God’s principles of justice. We can engage with staff and customers equitably or we can show partiality. How we work reflects the inner man.
thats all from me!
As I mull over calling and work, serving and work, paycheck and work…. I take these words in and ask myself to pause long enough to really let it simmer and steep so I can receive the wisdom and truth it points to. Thanks.
Gordon,
I’m so glad that you’ve been writing for yourself and to all of us all this time, since way back when. So many times, this post included, you have stopped me from thinking I’m all alone or crazy. There’s nothing else I can do but say simply and sincerely: thank you.
–David