“Stop it!” she scolded. The little boy did it again. Turn, turn, turn, went the swivel chair.
“Just stop!” she raised her voice higher this time. He laughed, dark eyes wide open. Turn, turn, turn. His mother gave him a strong shake, jerked his chair towards the table, and stared hard.
I looked away. This scene had a predictable ending, and I didn’t want to witness it.
Today I have the advantage of parenting years behind me. If that mother wanted to know, I could share what I finally learned after too many bouts of my own impatience with small children: most acts of “rebellion” have straightforward causes like hunger, fatigue, or a situation that expects more than a child can handle developmentally.
Things don’t change much as we grow older. If an employee performs inadequately or inappropriately, a manager should look first to what Buckingham and Coffman term “mechanics issues.” Like the child’s hunger and sleepiness, these are simple things, though not always easy to solve…
1. lack of tools or information
2. personal causes (at home, between employees, or even between manager and employee)
In the case that an employee’s performance can’t be traced to either one of these causes, Buckingham and Coffman recommend only three possible courses of action to deal with what must then be understood as an employee weakness, at least for that particular job…
1. devise a support system; for instance, the chronic poor speller could always do a spell check
2. find a complementary partner; responsibilities can be shared and shifted between employees
3. find an alternative role; this is a last-ditch choice, but should be considered if a manager spends all her time managing around the employee’s weakness
Each of these alternatives could require some real creative thinking and maybe a bit of heartache. But ultimately they could prevent the professional equivalent of shaking an employee too hard by shoulders— a situation that, in the end, produces its own kind of predictable pain we may not want to witness.
Side Mirrors photo by Claire Burge. Used with permission. Post by L.L. Barkat, as the last in a series on the book First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently.
Previous Posts in This Series
The Business of Playing Favorites
Do the Job Your Way
Find the Gifts, Forget the Faults
Your “Yes” Means Money to Your Company
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Short and to the point, LL. And I like this kind of thinking about motives. It’s a far more compassionate and empathizing way to serve people – employees or kids.
Actually, I find that it works for me with myself as well. I can be more compassionate with myself if I realize that I’m hungry or tired or still in need of learning and growing.
This is something I’ve been trying to teach my kids too… the art of self-reflection. I ask them to question, “Am I hungry? Am I tired? Am I frustrated because I don’t have what I need to do the job? Am I sad because my friend moved away? What’s going on with me?” Then I ask them to be kind to themselves and one another in light of their discoveries and do what they can to mitigate the situation, if there’s anything that can be done.
No one likes a good shake of the shoulders!
I like the idea of having a support system. So many places lack that, and sometimes specific support in one area can dramatically change performance, and attitude!
My “rebellion” in the swivel chair came to a swift end when I came face-to-face, so to speak, with a well-placed coffee table. Still have the facial scar to show for it. And the motivation? At four years old, spinning in circles seemed an effective way to control the urge to, well, … the bathroom was occupied.
So, yeah, I’ll agree much of our kids’ goofiness and misbehavior rises out of trying to cope with some sort of unpleasantness. And even outside of the workplace, I think I still have that. I still face situations that are beyond what I can “handle developmentally.” (Do I get to outgrow that someday? I really would like to.) I still look for the swivel chair to soothe me, sometimes to the annoyance of those around me (who might love to give my chair a good jerk.)
Those are good questions to ask, figure out why, and redirect. Seems I don’t ever catch myself behaving badly (can I just call that sin?) because I want to cause pain. I do it because I think it will do something for me.
Relevant and helpful post. Thank you, L.L.
Ack – I’ve been that mom! Thanks for the reminder for kids, and for my employees — to look for the underlying cause.
I remember walking into a restaurant once when our oldest was quite young. Our Abby, stop thats caused the waitress to rush to our table with a handful of crackers. “Let’s get some food in Abby,” she said.