Sam here, with Chapter 3 of Lewis Hyde’s The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World. Let me begin with a fairy tale.
The Shoemaker and the Elves
Have you ever read The Shoemaker and the Elves? I discovered this short story only five months ago in a folk tale anthology I’m reading to my daughters. Essentially, it’s about two naked elves who secretly help a poor cobbler succeed in his business. When I first read it, I missed Hyde’s point for two reasons: first, I wasn’t familiar with “gift language” five months ago; second, I have a different translation.
“The Shoemaker and the Elves” is an old German tale which is open to the variable work of translators. In Hyde’s copy, when the elves receive a thank you gift of clothing from the cobbler and his wife, they sing:
“We’re sleek, we’re fine, we’re out the door,
We shan’t be cobblers any more!”
In mine, however, the elves sing:
“Now we’re dressed so fine and neat,
Why cobble more for others’ feet?”
Not much difference, but in the latter version, the elves appear ungrateful and selfishly limited in their generosity. This puzzled me. In fact, it so distracted me that I couldn’t see any other lesson in the story. I figured the tale was about greed or about working only hard enough at something to get noticed before moving on. I paid too much attention to the elves and not enough to the cobbler. Fortunately, Hyde’s interpretation rejuvenated me, especially his summary statements like this one:
“[A] transformative gift cannot be fully received when it is first offered because the person does not yet have the power either to accept the gift or to pass it along.”
Before you give up on this dense statement, go and read the brief tale here. Take another three minutes to reread Hyde’s commentary on it in Chapter 3 if you have a copy. Then let me know what you think.
Fairytale Forest Painting, by Sara B. Used with permission. Post written by Sam Van Eman.
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OTHER BOOK CLUB POSTS this week:
LL’s Why Do You Write? (tweet, blog…)
Laura’s Gratitude Transforms
Previous Gift posts:
- Chapter 2 – The Gift: Hike with me
- Chapter 1 – The Gift: Don’t be a keeper
- Chapter 1 – The Gift: Laish and the Silo Effect
- Introduction – Mozart, Tiger Woods and Me: Gift 1-1/2
- Introduction – The Gift: Art, work and ribbon
- Invitation – Let’s read: The Gift
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Sam I would so like to take part in this discussion as the material that you are presenting here is so thought provoking. I ordered the book four weeks ago and have not yet heard back from the online bookstore that you referenced in your post. I sent them a mail a week ago to follow up and I have still not heard from them. If it still has not arrived in a week, I will try to obtain it elsewhere.
As for this post, I will enjoy the discussion generated by those who do have the book.
Blessings,
C
Claire, I hope you get the book soon. I know you’d enjoy it and have great things to add to our discussion.
Thinking on this week’s chapter, I started wondering specifically about the gratitude question. I posted on it, but didn’t get to other questions I have… like…
… what kind of gift is more likely to make us ’suffer gratitude’? Is there a saturation point, where too many gifts from one source cause resentment versus gratitude? What happens in relationships when we no longer suffer gratitude (and why does that happen?). You know, just a few questions.
Sam…I grew up with this lovely fairy tale, and must say I have always viewed it much in the same way you initially did. Those little elves always seemed so selfish to my little girl ears! But, yes, seeing it from the shoemakers side changed so much for me.
L.L.–When I think of the word “suffer” in this context, I think , endure or experience. Perhaps I should think deeper, for this type of gratitude, I believe, can yield a type of suffering…the giving up of the self, the humbling of the spirit to acknowledge that my position in the world is due in part to the gifts others have given me.
And, yes, I do hope you get the book soon, Claire! It is a piece of taffy–long for the chewing. I believe that I could revisit these chapters time and time again and glean something new and different each time.
I just started the book in seriousness last week. (I had skimmed pieces here and there, but not committed to a full reading.)
L.L., I think you are onto something about gift-giving that falls into some kind of expectation of reciprocity or condescension.
This weekend, I traveled to the Trois Estates, a hotel and restaurant business. And yet the elaborate nature of the place felt more generous than even the high price caused us to expect. (It was a once a year kind of thing for us–my own economic hangups make me feel the need to qualify that.)
Ever since I left, I have tried to think about how to honor the gift these people are giving. It is complicated because, like the elves, their gift led to a kind of financial exchange. And yet, also like the elves, Rebecca and Charles Trois are much more generous than they need to be. As Charles said to the Houston Chronicle: “This place is a gift we can share with others.”
Claire, I e-mailed you today about your order issue. Sorry to hear about that. The Hearts and Minds folks are good folks and the owner felt awful. Let me know if you need anything.
All, I’m tired tonight but I like what you had to say. I’ll reply tomorrow when I can think more clearly.
LL mentioned “too many gifts.” I’m not sure I’ve ever resented too many gifts, but there have been a few times when I knew that no amount of “suffering” could repay them.
Usually I suffer until I either return the favor or repay the debt or drop a thank you in the mail. But there is the heaping burning coals on his head thing in Proverbs 25:21-22. Not sure what exactly that means, but I think it happens when the gift overwhelms and the receiver knows it can’t be repaid equally.
I have a friend who did that for me. Gave and gave and gave. Finally I just had to ask, “Why are you doing this?” He said he simply decided one day to become my benefactor, like the one in Great Expectations. It felt like burning coals.
I guess I had in mind some of the things I’ve been reading about codependency. The codependent is apt to give and give, supposedly out of love, but it can really a bid for acceptance and a signal of low esteem. (Not that our motives are ever singular. The codependent can obviously have feelings and intentions of love.)
At the same time, the receiver may ultimately resent an overflow that, as you say, can’t really be repaid. What might be intended to build up essentially breaks down the relationship.
I see your distinction, LL. Do you think there’s a fine line between the kind of folks I mentioned and the kind you mentioned, or are they quite different?
Fine line. Maybe none at all. I do find it interesting that your “benefactor” somehow managed to make you feel like it was burning coals. In that case, I wonder about the motivations or the methods in what was taking place.
Very interesting. “Maybe none at all.” I’d like to hear more about this.
I typically think of codependent people as takers and benefactors as givers. In the case I mentioned, my benefactor is a discipler (Can I use that as a verb?), always investing in others, training, equipping, encouraging….
At the time he began investing in me, I was struggling with self-worth at work. The coals burned as his gifts affirmed what I thought was not worth affirming, like Simon who told Jesus to go away from him after the gift of fish.
But say more.
this one takes me around in a circle that has no beginning or end.
i can see the gratitude being there before the gift or after the gift, i can see the giver and the gift seprate, and i can see the giver and the gift as one, i can see gratitude as the gift, and i can see the transformation being the gift.
i am not sure that i agree with all the writer has to say, but, it has me thinking more about the time for changes and growth, giving, and gratitude/ thankfulness, who i a thankful to, and gifts.
i am also wondering about the payment of money making any difference. maybe that has more to do with thankfulness, gratitude, humblness, and where my focus is directed, then with the transfer of money or something being a commodity. for example, if i think that all things belong to God…that means that nothing belongs to me. and that means that i freely receive and freely give, and all in thankfulness to God.
Sam, I’ve spent some time exploring codependents as part of my writing for GIY and here’s the weird thing. They are not primarily takers; they are givers. Again and again, until they wear themselves out and risk breakdown.
I think it’s always good for us to think about how much we are giving and why. It can seem like a wonderful, spiritual thing, while it may just be a neurotic playing out of our deepest fears and needs.
So what about philanthropy? Giving, even sacrificial giving, is biblical and necessary, yet I agree that we’re tangled up in our insecurity and search for identity and personal fulfillment, etc. Since unhealthy motivations will always be present, do we just watch for the point where their presence outweighs the benefits of giving?
Well, philanthropy is often one of those learned habits. And I agree about sacrificial giving. I’m not sure what we watch out for. Certainly emotional and physical breakdown are red flags. And, can we ever say no? Are we always “the one”? Do we leave room for others to give, as leaders or makers or whatever?
if i may chime in here…
i have thought of codep as giving to others as a form of control and not only that but the main focus is always on controling the life of others.
i figure we all want to have control of our life and/or the life of others…instead of going to God for guidance.
Thanks, you two.