I’ve never been a math guy. Numbers scare me in the same way zombies do; both seem so foreign and lack even a hint of personality. Words can sing. Numbers just stand there mouthing.
The unhealthy relationship I have with plusses and minuses does not apply to homework, however. At least not the kindergarten kind. Because even if 1 + 0 = ? is just as cold and emotionless as ay2 + by + 2a + c = 0, it is a little easier to figure out.
But not to my son, who understands the concept of adding one thing to another one thing and getting two things about as well as I understand how to split the atom. Put all of that together, and you have a recipe for disaster when the two of us sit down to complete his assigned work.
Last night we sat at the kitchen table to tackle the beauty that is addition. Past practice has taught us that both patience and planning is key. Which is why I brought coffee, and he brought Kool-Aid and a Tootsie Pop.
And erasers. A lot of erasers. “To cover up my wrongs,” he said.
I sipped and he slurped as we began, choosing to concentrate on one question at a time rather than the fact that there were five of them. I used props—pennies, golf balls, and fingers—to illustrate the principles involved. He nodded in agreement without knowing exactly what he was agreeing to.
Then I decided to try and speak on his level.
“Can I have one of your cars?” I asked, pointing to the tiny pile of toys beside him.
“Sure,” he said, pushing one over toward me.
“Can I have another one?”
“Why?”
“Dunno. Just want one.”
“But you have one already. If you get another one, you’ll have…” His eyes lit up: “Two!”
“Yes!” I shouted.
At that point things progressed much easier. The first three problems were solved in a flurry of seconds, one question after the other attacked and pummeled with an answer of exacting truth.
And then? Done.
“That’s awesome!” I told him.
He smiles, though it’s a sheepish grin and not proud. And he may have held his head a bit higher, but his shoulders will still slumped.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You got all of those right.”
“I know, Dad.”
“What’s the problem, then?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know how I just did all that.”
“You don’t?”
“Nope.” He leaned closer to whisper in my ear a confidence he meant only for father and son. “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”
The words were coated with strawberry Kool-Aid and grape Tootsie Pop, but they would have been just as sweet without the added flavors. Out of the mouths of babes comes much truth, whether they understand it themselves or not.
I’ve been a father to my daughter for eight years and to my son five. That’s thirteen years of experience all together. Not nearly as much as most, but more than some. I wouldn’t say I’ve been around the block, but I know where everything is.
I’ve changed diapers and calmed tears. I’ve endured countless tantrums and endless nights of worry. I’ve laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe in, and I’ve cried so hard I couldn’t breathe out.
And I’ve realized that while it’s true that you never truly know what love is until you have a child, it’s also true that you never truly know what fear is, too.
But maybe most of all, I’ve learned that I both miserably fail and amazingly succeed at being a father. The strange thing is that my failures often come when I’m trying so hard to do what’s right, and my successes often come without knowing how they’ve been accomplished.
Parenting is a lot like math. You have to learn a little at a time, and often even the simple stuff is hard. There’s a lot you don’t know and you’ll never know enough, but love makes a great eraser to cover up all the wrongs.
“I gotta tell you something,” I said. I leaned over and whispered in his ear a confidence meant for every parent and child. “I still don’t know what I’m doing, either.”
“What do we do then?” he asked.
“How about we just figure it out together?”
“Yes.”
Yes.
Post written by Billy Coffey. Visit his blog at What I Learned Today.
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Ah, math…
My arch nemesis! Wait until he gets to middle school. You’re so right – sometimes the simple stuff does become difficult, so it’s nice to be able to figure things out together. Great post, as usual.
I couldn’t figure the whole math thing out until I went back to school when I was 30. It ‘clicked’ about 15 years to late…
I like ‘doubles problem solving’. Awesome post Billy!
“Last night we sat at the kitchen table to tackle the beauty that is addition. Past practice has taught us that both patience and planning is key. Which is why I brought coffee, and he brought Kool-Aid and a Tootsie Pop.”
Hilarious! And other bits were so funny too. (See? You made math fun.
Hey, but maybe we shouldn’t tell MG about this post… did you say… you don’t like… zombies?
Awesome, Billy! What an awesome, patient dad you are!
This is great! As a mom2six whose oldest is 20 I must admit, I still don’t know what I’m doing. Just when I think I’ve got it they change, move to a new level that I have to learn how to relate to and deal with. God is so good at keeping us humble and dependent on Him! Glad we are all figuring it out together.
What a great dad you are. Your two children are truly blessed.
MATH (shakes fist). My nemesis as well.
I love how it just clicked for your son. Those little epiphanies are always so fun to witness.
And I’m right with you on often failing when trying to do parenting “right.” I can’t explain my greatest successes either.
Somebody we know said to us that “God gives kids to rookies.” I think it’s those of us rookies who will admit to being rookies who get to have the best relationship with our kids as we all grow together, rookies at the whole life thing. Love this.
My favorite line is, “The strange thing is that my failures often come when I’m trying so hard to do what’s right, and my successes often come without knowing how they’ve been accomplished.”
As the parent of a teen, let me say, Amen, brother!
This scene is a very familiar one. Like katdish mentioned…wait until middle school! The other night my daughter threw a minor fit that neither her dad or I had a clue what a certain math question meant…*sigh*
Doing the complicated things in life ‘together’ is the definitely the answer!
Great post, Billy.
Congratulations Billy, on being blessed with such a wonderful little boy and girl. God bless them.
I’m a member of the people who didn’t like math club too. These little moments that you write about so eloquently…they are preparing you for moments to come. I think parenting is like math in that sense as well… math is basically a series of building blocks, you get a handle on one level before moving on to the next which typically brings new challenges, new complicated stuff to figure out. Kids are the same. You need the foundation to be built before you move on to the next level of relating. You’ll look back one day and be thankful you started early ‘doing the complicated things in life together’ with your kids.
‘There’s a lot you don’t know and you’ll never know enough, but love makes a great eraser to cover up all the wrongs’…so true.
We had one son who struggled with math. For him, we also used cars to explain the concepts! Using something that interests that particular child is key.
I did not do well with math in school, either, until I took business math courses in college. LOVED it. I enjoy bookkeeping and accounting…go figure!
Great post, Billy!
I love this story. You have such a knack for story telling and truth. I also love math and numbers and logic (and zombies–we should talk about that sometime).
It struck me that you and your son were learning by discovery and experimentation. I read this interview earlier today with the co-founder of Flickr who says, “You try a lot of things and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. If you’re actually inventing something you shouldn’t know what you’re doing.”
In a sense, every kindergartner around the world is reinventing the idea of addition and subtraction when they learn it. Sometimes their parents are reinventing the idea along with them.
Which makes the learning process a kind of inventive and creative process, you know? Ain’t it great?!
“The strange thing is that my failures often come when I’m trying so hard to do what’s right, and my successes often come without knowing how they’ve been accomplished.”
Totally. I’ll be rewarded with the sweetest of moments or laughter that’s bowls me over. But, I can’t really figure out what exactly did it!
“Parenting is a lot like math. You have to learn a little at a time, and often even the simple stuff is hard. There’s a lot you don’t know and you’ll never know enough, but love makes a great eraser to cover up all the wrongs.”
I like what you’re sayin’ here! Whew. Encouraging to find a big eraser here in this post!
Awesome post, Billy. A lot of great truths here that is comforting to this adding and subtracting parent!
This is such a wonderful essay; it should go out far and wide.
And you know, you should market your “love makes a great eraser to cover up the wrongs”; you could make a mint putting that on t-shirts, charms, inside home-made cards.
Who needs math when you can write this well!
Can’t get enough of the lessons our kids teach us. I just need to carry around my notebook so I can write them down like you do.
What a great story. Your kids are lucky to have such a gentle and kind father.
Before we accuse zombies of having no personality–of just standing there mouthing–I would like to point out what the “Thriller” music video did for the cause of zombies worldwide. Apparently they can sing and dance, which doesn’t guarantee personality but does suggest the potential for it.
I refuse to defend numbers, however. You and I seem to share a healthy fear of them, Billy. They remain foreign, distant, and relatively lifeless to me, as well (Einstein, please forgive!). Aside from an occasional Sesame Street segment, I have seen very few mesmerizing music videos featuring numbers.
I digress.
About parenting, you wrote, “You have to learn a little at a time, and often even the simple stuff is hard. There’s a lot you don’t know and you’ll never know enough…” If this is true, I only hope that you’ll continue to share what you learn, as you have today.
It sure is sweet to see the pile of erasers your son kept on hand.
Love and erasers–you can’t have too much of either.
So good. I have tears in my eyes now…
yes …
just grand.
You have me in tears. BEAUTIFUL man of a father to your boy!
STOP MAKING ME CRY.
OK…go on…keep making me cry.
I am also totally befuddled by math. My husband often says that if he needs me to stop talking and listen, he only needs to say “five.” Yes, numbers really stump me. My brain shuts off.
Navigating numbers and life…very, very tiring stuff.
Beautiful post.
Precious moments described here with honesty and candor. Well done.
I’ve always been competent at math, but I never liked it very much.
When I started to homeschool my daughter, I knew I would have to figure out how to teach her math. Those basic facts don’t come as easily as you might think without a good teacher!
Providentially, I went to a homeschooling convention and saw an incredible math program demonstration that showed me in a flash how little I knew about teaching math, and also how I might get better! That was a huge relief. So far, my daughter thinks math is fun. I hope to keep it up.
All of this doesn’t have much to do with your post, which is eloquent in its application to subjects beyond math.
My kids are 29, 30, and 32. I still have the same powerful fear and the unconditional love. And I still don’t know what I’m doing. Neither does my own mother. You are in safe territory, as is your son. All you need is love. Thanks for this Billy. I can’t breathe out.
Such a good post, Billy!
Yeah, I don’t like that math stuff either. But the parenting stuff, hard but good.
Lord bless you!
Ah, the wonder of a child’s mind discovering new ideas!
Blessings,
Jim
Billy, my sweet nephew, you truly bless my heart and your kids are so blessed to have you!
Love the stories and life experiences you share. Today’s took me down memory lane when our kids were young. Math – ughhhhh! Learned just enough to do my own finances and tax returns, lol! Going to share one of your quotes on my facebook. “The strange thing is that my failures often come when I’m trying so hard to do what’s right, and my successes often come without knowing how they’ve been accomplished.”
Awesome! I think it’s great when people can admit they still don’t know the answers. (whisper) ….I still don’t know what I’m doing either.
and so this is why i let my husband do the math part of homework! he does a pretty darn good job parenting as well! beautiful post. i’m here from heather’s spot..nice to meetcha!
Wow. SO good. Powerful stuff.
This is great. I like reading stuff by parents who have been at it longer than I. Just yesterday I wrote a very different post than this, but sharing this sentiment. Figuring it out as we go. That’s all we can do, really. Congrats on the column and upcoming book, as well!
heather of the E.O. led me here, as she has many times to all things beautiful. Thanks for this. I needed to remember that Love makes a great eraser.
I love how you brought this all together.
I am definitely learning right now that I don’t know it all, but I have someone who does and that He will help me along the way and help me to figure it out.
Gorgeous post, Billy. Thank you for making me smile and tear up at the same time.
YOu are a great teacher, Billy.
Awesome.
Well said as always Billy. I can see the look on his face as he realizes hey thats 2.
Precious. Kept thinking of that oldy of Gaither’s ‘We Have This Moment Today’…
It’s so good to know other people are; 1) so right brained they lean and 2) others don’t know what they’re doing either. Comforting. A relief. We really aren’t alone after all!