I was on a community prayer walk recently, and I noticed something funny. Not “ha ha” funny, but the kind of funny that really makes you think. What I noticed was a bunch of individuals walking down the street. Even though there were lots of people walking around, there were very few people who acknowledged that they were in any sort of community with other people.
As I tried to make eye contact with people so that I could give them the nod (which has replaced the need to actually say “hello” to each other), I found very few of them that would even look in my direction.
I know what you’re probably thinking… since I was on a prayer walk, it was probably my vocal prayers for the heathens and the stack of tracts in my hands that made people turn away from me. But that wasn’t the case! It was the kind prayer walk where we walked in two’s and three’s and prayed quietly under our breath. To other people also walking down the street, I would have been just some other guy walking down the street too.
I didn’t expect people to stop and start random conversations with me, but it was clear to me that there is little sense of true community in our communities today.
Unfortunately, this is also true of many of our church communities today. While we meet on Sundays and do our little nods at each other, and tell each other how ‘blessed’ our lives are, we still lack the kind of connections that Jesus talked about in John 13:34-35…
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Blake Coffee of Church Whisperer shared on this topic recently in his post The Fabric of Your Church, pointing out churches that lack teaching on this subject often lack a sense of community. He continues by stating that breaks in churches happen where there is a lack of relationships.
For example, if there are no relationships between generations in your church (i.e., the older generation and the younger generation don’t mix much), then a generation-oriented issue (such as music in worship) could easily divide that church.
Blake discusses how important strong relationships are the key to building a strong church…
The church is much more than just a collection of people. It is the relationships among those people. Those relationships will dictate the effectiveness of that church and its mission.
Earlier this summer, I had the pleasure of going on a mission trip to Kenya and Uganda. On this trip, one pastor showed me what he referred to as a typical African kitchen (pictured above) while we were visiting the homes of some of the people in his congregation. This kitchen was nothing like the fancy, appliance-stocked kitchens that I was used to back home. It was a simple metal shack with three stones for the pot to rest on over the fire. I certainly was simple, but this place was much more than a luxury-free place to cook food.
This pastor told me that in the evenings the entire family (and often other neighbors) would come sit around the fire together, throw some food in the pot to cook, and talk.
That’s right… talk…
I couldn’t help but to think about how this contrasts the dinner time routines of most families back here in the much more ‘advanced’ Western world. More often than not, we seem to miss this element (or secret ingredient) even in our own families, let alone in our churches and communities.
Is this what is missing in our society? Has our individualized, microwave-fast culture led us into a lack of relationship with each other?
Our family tries to make a point of simply sitting at the table together at least a couple of times each week (we often fail at meeting this goal). But even when we do, we still seem to lack the kind of relationship-building time that I witnessed in a place that literally has nothing.
How can the church lead the way in changing the culture from an individualistic society by being the example that Jesus called us to be? Are building strong (and real) relationships that important to you in your Christian walk? Why (or why not)? What can and should we be doing different?
Artwork and post by Dan King of BibleDude.net.
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The early church had something to say about community — it devoted itself to the apostles’ teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer (Acts 2). All four of those had to do with “talk.”
That is a great observation Glynn! That’s another passage that came to mind as I was writing this. I think that we miss a lot today that the early church had which caused the explosive growth that it experienced during its formative years. But that could become a WHOLE separate conversation…
We were making plans to have another family over for dinner one time, and they said, “So, after we eat at your house, what will we do … I suppose we’ll just sit around and … *talk*?”
“Um, yes. What would you do at someone else’s house?”
“Watch a movie or maybe a football game.”
“Oh, well, we just talk. I hope that’s okay. We’ll ask lots of questions if things drag a little!”
They came over and … we talked! We had a good time! And they survived an evening without “entertainment” filling in the slower, quiet moments. But I’ve thought a lot about that comment. Americans are so used to noise and entertainment, this may be one of many challenges to building community and conversation in our culture.
I agree with you that the speed at which we live in our “microwave-fast culture” is also a major hurdle. Few of us take time to stop and sit down and talk. The culture itself works against this value, so we have to be intentional to make it happen.
This is so important and so hard. Thanks for challenging us! I hope to discover how to create an American-style gathering like the Africans naturally have around their kitchen pot.
By the way, my European relatives (Belgium & France) host multi-course meals that stretch out all evening. And what do they do during each of those courses and in-between?
They talk.
Yes, there’s something about having people in my home, talking over a meal.
I’ve often wondered if part of the solution is physical distance. Some people drive twenty or more miles to church (we live 6 miles from ours). What if all our cars disappeared on worship service days? We would automatically “go to church” with people in our nearby neighborhoods.
Thanks for sharing the great story Ann! That is exactly the kind of thing that I think we need to get better at… being intentional about community. I know that I am just as bad as the next guy with the whole ‘noise’ thing that you mention. I sit at work with my MP3 player jamming all day simply because it’s almost become hard to focus WITHOUT the noise! That is definitely something that I need to work on too! Thanks for the perspective!
Thanks for this word, Dan. I really do think the American church needs to get away from the “movie theatre” format of church, where we all come in, sit down, face forward and watch a movie (or a pastor, or a choir, etc.). We have got to be intentional about creating relationships and finding in Christ in one another. In our culture, that is just not going to happen by accident.
Furthermore, if we don’t make it a priority, i.e., if we try to squeeze those relationships in around our otherwise crammed lives (in between soccer games and work and committee meetings and yoga classes, etc.), then we have failed from the outset.
Boy is this ever true. And it makes me very sad. So many of us these days are so inward focused that we can’t even lift our eyes up out of our navel to acknowledge others. Especially sad that it happens as much at church as on a public sidewalk.
Blake – Thank YOU too! You wrote a great post on this topic and gave me some good reference material for this! I also agree that it need to be a very deliberate priority that we make.
Antique Mommy – Inward focused is exactly it! I believe that the Bible teaches us to take our eyes off of ourselves and be more concerned for others’ needs. That’s being God-focused rather than inward-focused. I might have to specifically talk more about that in a future post!
i think we need some fire huts….or teepees…or the like. outside if the weather is good.
a place to have a fire and sit around it… and cook up some food.
like in the book that we are reading at the book club here, jerry may’s, the wisdom of the wilderness, the campfire is the place to be, sit, contemplate, think…and if you are with others…talk, plan, dream, laugh, cry, heal. yep, i think fire and food is a good place to gather and bond.
nAncY… I love it! It’s the perfect time of year for that now too (well at least here in Florida)!
This is a very timely post for me. Our church has experienced a divide over music (among other things). This past weekend we celebrated our 50th anniversary as a church. Young and old came together, worship was diversified; it was beautiful. Now I am left wondering, How do we come together in our usual Sunday?
Laura… unfortunately that is all too common. Blake Coffee writes a lot about stuff like that on his blog The Church Whisperer (mentioned in this post). Our church recently started what we call CARE groups that meet once a month in people’s homes. I was actually impressed at the diversity of people that ended up being in the group that is meeting at my home. And I think when people of diverse backgrounds come together, open up, and talk with one another, then barriers like music styles can be easily broken down.
I’d love to hear more about how things progress at your church. Let’s make sure that we keep in touch on that one…
Thanks for sharing!
i like the title “the secret ingredient”.
like the old recipe handed down through the generations…there is a secret ingredient that makes it special. if that ingredient were a missing ingredient, if it were lost or left out, and nothing else could take it’s place, then nothing one did would make it turn out right, unless they used that ingredient.
what is the secret ingredient?
Hi Dan (and everyone)
There seems to be a common thread in all the responses on this one that stands out to me: “intentional community. ”
It occurs to me that the early church didn’t go through all the planning and such that western churches do today that go along with the institution we call “church.” Nonetheless, they were intentional about community – as Glynn said: “meeting together daily in the temple courts, talking together about the teaching they received, eating meals together and sharing in the stuff of life. ” (Acts 2)
It’s interesting to note that the title of the letter from which we hear about this is “Acts.” I have also heard it called “the acts of the apostles” but what I see in the context of the letter is not just the acts of the apostles, but more importantly the acts of the holy spirit.
Intentional community is what happens when believers sense and respond to the Holy Spirit, regardless of whether that’s in the temple courts, the laundromat or the local jail. In John’s gospel ch. 17 verse 20, Jesus expresses his wish to the father this way: “I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”
Whenever two or more gather in His name, intentionally communing, His prayer is being answered. In this way, we are His great gift to each other – keeping a vigil of love and compassion until He comes to take us home!
Thanks for making us think on this one. May the Spirit of God enliven us all this week to intentionally be the church Jesus prayed for.
Don F Perkins
nAncY… You ask what the secret ingredient is? As I wrote this, I kept thinking that it is simply talking with people. But not just surface talking, but having the kinds of conversations in which we really open up to each other. And as Don points out, I think that means that the ingredient is us being intentional about community.
Don… Great observations dude! Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts!
as don said “…when believers sense and respond to the Holy Spirit, regardless of whether that’s in the temple courts, the laundromat or the local jail”
to me listening and responding to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, is the ingredient that makes all the difference in being able to commune with others within the Love of God.
the word community, suggests all sorts of things. there are so many types of community, that the word can get a bit confusing.
talking with others is truly key to forming relationship.
relationship with God and others is like the fire and food, life giving.
i has been good talking here with you.
Talking I get. Listening… ah yes, that’s the one I’m working on.
Takes both to make community I guess.