Kelly said, “I don’t doubt that He *can* do something about anything, but to be honest, that thought no longer moves me to prayer. The question for me has become, ‘*Will* He do something about what matters to me?’”
Kelly shared this thought in a comment in my last post, She Stepped Forward. It is a question that I am ALL too familiar with, and I think that many of us may struggle with (or have struggled with at one time). There was a time on in my life when I asked this tough question, even to the point of questioning God’s very existence.
After stuggling through fertility treatments for over a year, my wife and I were finally blessed with a wonderful son. I think that having to try so hard for so long made us extremely grateful to have him on our lives. Then something happened that completely turned our world upside-down.
When Samuel was 17-months old he was diagnosed with Juvenile (Type 1) Diabetes. This is the kind that has nothing to do with too much sugar in his diet or anything like that. It is a life-threatening autoimmune disease that basically attacks the insulin producing cells in his body. Now, every day for the rest of his life, he needs insulin injected every time he puts food in his mouth.
For my wife and I, this was a diagnosis that rocked our world to the very core. She was intimately familiar with diabetes because of a cousin of hers that she grew up very close to. I was also familiar with it after losing an uncle to the disease at relatively young age. As soon as we heard the official diagnosis, we both instantly knew about the pain that we would have to live with every day from now on.
Samuel is almost seven years old now, and is doing very well. He wears an insulin pump which has eliminated the need for daily injections. However, needles and finger-pricks are still an everyday part of his life. Every so often, there is a needle that just hits him the wrong way and brings him to tears. As his dad, there is nothing more that I want than to be able to take that pain away from him.
But one of the biggest struggles that my wife and I had related to this whole thing was directed at God. After all, we were good and dedicated Christians who served Him faithfully. Why would He let this happen to us?
We also believe that He is a God who can heal. So why doesn’t it just go away when we pray for healing for him?
So many questions, and at the end of the day all we seemed to be left with was the reality that we had to give our son another insulin shot that would probably make him cry again.
Eventually I got to an interesting place in my life with all of this…
I started to better understand how Paul must have felt when he wrote and prayed that God would remove the thorn from his side.
I started to look at passages in the Bible like the reference to pruning the vine in John 15 in different ways.
I started to wonder why James would tell us to consider it pure joy to face trials and tribulations.
What about these things could possibly be good? But as I turned to the Truth to find answers (and sometimes more questions), I started to realize that He was still in control. And that even though I may not understand it all, I still need to trust in Him.
I eventually found my way back to the book of Daniel (chapter 3), where we hear about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and their refusal to worship the false gods of Babylon. When they were sentenced to to death in the furnace, they responded like this…
If our God Whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up!
This is an important place that I had to get to in my faith. I know that my God can heal my son, and I pray for that every day. But even if He doesn’t He will still be my God and my King!
For now, I’ll keep asking, and just trust Him that He knows what is best…
Post and photo by Dan King of BibleDude.net.
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Let it be known…
That was the phrase that rose to the surface for me. In a way I can’t explain.
And I felt touched by the sharing or your story. By you… letting it be known.
Amen, L.L.! Thanks for sharing that! It is a great encouragement to me, and I pray that the story is a great encouragement to many others!
I am so sorry about your son’s pain (and yours) in life!
I’ve asked all these questions many times … and still do, at times. Though I have learned to live in peace even with mysteries in life that I (others) can’t explain. I know someday I will understand more clearly.
God is all powerful and all knowing and sovereign – does that mean he is in control of everything? I think it’s a human tendency to think that if we have power we need to use it. Could it be that he’s all-knowing because he’s not restricted by time like we are? He sees everything as now, so therefore he knows all that will happen and when.
I think the amazing love God has for us shows in the way he created the earth, the angels and us. He gave us all free choice. One angel greatly abused that and is now the evil force on earth. So could it be that the ‘bad things’ of life come from the fact that this is earth not heaven, or from evil or free choice? I have a hard time placing blame on God for them – I would never intentionally hurt my children. I look to God for peace/strength/wisdom/etc to get through it all.
I don’t think that means God never teaches us through tough times and/or disciplines us … just like we as parents do to our children. But I question that he would do anything ‘permanent’ to hurt any of his children – like your son’s illness.
You say, “I know that my God can heal my son” … Jesus was on earth and could have spoken a word or blew a few kisses and healed many more than he did … why didn’t he heal more then and now?
sorry this comment is long – so many questions and mysteries …
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Janet! I agree that there are still lots of questions, but for me the bottom line is about trust. I know that God didn’t DO this to my son. But now I can start to see God’s hand and His provision through a lot of it.
The crazy thing is that just last night as I was putting some finishing touches on this post, we had to do some stuff with my son’s insulin pump that made him cry. I just had to tell myself again… even if He doesn’t… God I will still love You and worship You…
we start to understand.. just enough and
we receive faith, enough to carry us.
then we have more questions…
Wow nAncY! You summed much of this up nicely! Thanks!
Thanks, Dan. My life is a saga of “but if not”s, with no end in sight. Doesn’t change my faith in Jesus. Who else am I going to believe in?
You are right! I can’t think of anyone else that love us like He does!
I had missed this… thank you for sharing your story, the journey God has brought you on. It helps me.
It is my pleasure… It certainly has not been easy at times, but it does help me to remember this Truth. Thank you for sharing (and the quote from your comment on the previous post that I used to start this post). You rock!