It’s been said that confession is good for the soul, though what often goes unsaid is that it’s bad for the reputation. Nonetheless, I’m prepared to share what exactly I’m doing with my son right now while his mother is in the opposite room—
I’m teaching him to play hooky.
He’s been feeling under the weather lately. No fever or cough to scratchy throat. No strange symptoms. Just the sort of general malaise that accompanies both February and the accrued effects of one hundred and fourteen days of kindergarten. I understand how the body can break down under all that snow and work.
No, he is not sick. But neither is he well.
“Do you have a cough?” I ask.
“No.”
“You’re gonna need a cough.”
He heaves and snorts and snots, jerking himself off the couch only to flop back down.
“How’s that?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“This is all about finesse,” I tell him. “You need more Gary Cooper and less Jim Carrey.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
So I show him. Short, whimperish coughs rather than long hacks. He tries again. Much better.
“Throat sore?” I ask.
“A little.”
“Good. You need to start whispering when you talk. Not right off, mind you. Just sort of ease into it. And you can’t get up to play. Whatever you do, don’t do that. You have to sit right here nice and quiet.”
He nods and smiles and says, “Okay, Daddy.”
I know, I know. As far as Christian Parenting 101 goes, I am flunking. This is not the sort of way a good father raises his child. Children need to know the values of responsibility and truthfulness, and here I am teaching him otherwise. To be honest, a very big part of me is trying to find a good reason to continue and not quite finding one. But a very small part of me knows he needs the help. His mother is a teacher. She can spot a faker from across the room.
What I’m leaning on is the fact that my friend said this is an okay thing to do. And he should know. Kevin is not only a husband of one, father of five, and grandfather of eight, he is also a preacher. That accumulated knowledge of both parenting and religion makes his judgment a lot more reliable than mine when it comes to the grayer areas of life.
“I’ve had over eighty years total of being a dad,” he told me yesterday. “Preached for over forty. I’ve spoken to probably a million people and led my share to accept Christ. I’ve gotten awards and commendations, degrees and adulation. I’ve had a good life. But you know how I could’ve had a better one?”
“How?” I asked him.
“By taking a day off. Got plenty now, but I think it’s too little too late. Never underestimate the power of a time out. It’s God’s great blessing.”
I believe that.
If I am to teach my children of the greatness of life, then that will be included. That there is time well spent and time well wasted. That okay to call in sick sometimes because you must, and that it’s okay to call in well sometimes because you must.
That you should make a living and also a life.
I’m not sure if Kevin would condone my current method of passing all of this on. Somehow I have my doubts. But much of parenting is trial and error, of finding yourself already in a mess and being left with little choice than to try and make some good out of it. I think this is one of those times.
His mother peeks into the living room for a quick checkup.
“How are ya, sweetheart?” she asks.
My son sits still and coughs and whispers. She looks to me. I gravely shake my head.
“Looks like you should stay home tomorrow,” she tells him.
She turns away before she can see his thumbs up.
Post by Billy Coffey of billycoffey.com. Photo by L.L. Barkat of Seedlings in Stone. Used with permission.
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This brings back the memories. I wish my father had schooled me — I had to teach myself and I usually failed (got caught). That advice about not playing — it’s a must.
Oh I agree 100%. When my girls were younger and ‘needed’ a day off I called it taking a mental health day. We all need one now and then don’t we?
My mother was a schoolteacher, too, and there was no getting away with anything. Can’t really say that was a bad thing though.
You make me laugh! Great story (as always).
I would like to make it to the place where I can just say (not in a whisper), “I need a day off.” And get out of bed and do what I want for the day, just ‘cuz it’s time to take time. : )
God understands “the power of a time out” when He gave us the Sabbath as both a command and a gift. It’s like a weekly time out–a day off–built into the rhythm of life (except for people like Kevin who have to preach and pastor people). I’d like to do better at keeping Sabbath. We could learn to rest and play better and let go of our to-do lists more completely. We could learn to stop everything. Maybe we need to develop a little cough after church lets out and go home to curl up on the couch?
This post has me wondering if a really great Sabbath would feel to the kids (and me) a little bit like we’re playing hooky?
it is ok . big kids need it too
Great post. I take an annual “hooky day” with each of my kids every year and I have since they started school. We take it a step further though and actually go out and play together. It might be shopping, or a movie, or a park, but the time is spent for us to relax and enjoy each other. It’s an annual event that we truly cherish and look forward to.
Call it what you will…everyone needs a bit of recreation. Re-creation. A time out. A day off. A vacation. A sick day. A mental health day. Whatever you call it…we need it. To re-create. To rediscover. To renew.
What a precious post Billy! I couldn’t agree more! Enjoy the day with your sweet boy! One that will no doubt be filled with love, laughter and memories for the days to come!
Thanks for sharing your secret
As homeschoolers we probably take too many days off. As a self employed person I don’t take enough days off. We are planning a skiing trip for next week and I was feeling a bit conflicted about losing a whole day of work. Thanks for a much needed reminder. Without that kind of balance between rest, play, and work, our efforts become much less fruitful, we lose track of what’s important and I think we also lose some of our ability to hear from God. With your nose to the grindstone, you can’t hear His voice! I’ll be thinking of you as we swoosh down the slopes.
This is great. Today I am taking my mental day off, and just read your post before heading out the door.
Everyone needs these days off a few times a year, it’s refreshing.
As a manager, i hear all the excuses for “sickness” cough – cough.
That being said, Loved your post.
David
http://www.redletterbelievers.com
Great piece. I totally agree — laughing at the faking out mom thing, since I’m a mom and all. I’ve done the same for our boys from time to time. JR High is especially rough — I gave them PTO (Personal Time Off) Days then and it helped tremendously. Very funny and well written.
Bueller?….Bueller?….Anyone?
No coincidence that is one of my favorite movies. My mom let me play hooky on rare occassions, as long as I put forth a small effort to look pathetic. We all need a day off from the daily grind. Or, as I used to tell my old boss: “I won’t be at work. I’m having eye trouble. Can’t see coming to work today.”
Fun story! But I too wish it was ok, with others and myself, to just take a day off cause we need it. Why does it have to be our body breaking down to cause it?
Great post, as usual, Billy. I loved it and think your son is lucky to have a father like you!
I love the way you lay a story out as I could totally see my husband and my son doing this.
There are moments when a little hooky can be the medicine the Dr ordered…and I pray you used it to the best of your ability!
I love this post – now I only wish that I could take a day off to do nothing. It seems I am always busy, there is always something to do, buy, clean, etc. I think I’ve called into work sick once in my life and was even crazy enough to go back to work just two weeks after my first son was born!
I recently gave up “busyness” on the Sabbath for Lent. I know you’re supposed to give something up for all of Lent… but NOT DOING on Sundays has been a huge deal for me. No vacuum, no computer, no projects… just church, fellowship and family.
I won’t report on how it’s gone so far…
Thank you for the gentle reminder that I should pass on a better relax-ethic to my kids, and not such a strict work-ethic.
Ooooh, this is some good advice, Billy! I just love peeking into your life this way. What a warm place your home is.
I think I feel a scratchy throat coming on…
That is so cute!
I remember those days off from school – just me, “Family Feud”, “Win, Lose or Draw”, and my afternoon with Popeye, Bugs, and Fred & Barney.
NIIICCCEEE. (To be said like Keanu Reeves in Bill and Ted’s) A good lesson to teach and learn, and we learn more by teaching.
As a wife of 1, mother to 3 I am very willing to let my kids have a break, but I am having trouble feeling guilty for not doing laundry right now instead of blog hopping.
Hmmmm.
I think you’re safe on this one. Everyone needs a little one-on-one and everyone needs a time out. I’m glad that your time out meant spending time with your little guy.
If he needs a break, he needs a break.
Mom’s a teacher. Dad’s a preacher. And in our house, a kid didn’t get to stay home from school unless they had a fever or were throwing up. Throwing up is pretty hard to fake, but my brother decided once when he was about 9 to try to fake a fever. So, when Dad put the thermometer under his tongue & left the room, Chris took the thermometer out of his mouth & held it next to the light bulb to heat it up. It might would’ve worked if it hadn’t overheated and burst… Chris went to school that day.
Yeah. Mental health.
My mom let me stay home once because I was dragging around. She figured I was trying to play hooky. I had to stay in bed until the bus would normally have dropped me off. Fine with me. She let me get up to eat lunch with my dad. Shortly after he left, I started screaming, “Daddy, don’t hit me!” And I remember “things” crawling on the walls. Even after 20 miles in the middle of an old-fashioned Michigan winter, my temp was still 104.
So much for playing hooky.
I like L.L. Barkat’s statement that it’s great to say you need a day off and not have to whisper.
Great, funny post that embodies the gift of Sabbath rest. The discipline of rest flies in the face of our America “hyperspirituality” that emphasizes the (ahem) “redemptive” nature of busyness to the neglect not only of leisure, but of our souls.
I never understood kids that thought receiving a ribbon or award for never missing a day of school was something to strive for. My “sick” days or “hooky” days were well worth the lack of such praise. I think we all need a day off once in a while. It revives the soul:)
LOL, I never encouraged my children to play hookey, but I did give them “mental health” days, where they don’t have to be “sick” to be out sick. The rules were it could not be shirking a class or a test or homework. My children have had a few days of that in their many years of school. Parenting is tough stuff isn’t it?
This is just perfect! I’ve never given in to my son’s fake tummy aches before and he tried one today. Obviously God knows he really needs a break as we walked down to school to discover the teachers on strike and the school closed!
Aw, he’ll remember that moment with you for all his life. Not that you conspired together, but that dad helped him out and understood him when he needed you.
We do need some time-outs from the rat race!
Billy,
I reckon you played hooky too as your son likely needed some adult supervision while crouping around on the couch!
My husband and son both played hooky just the other day…hike in the woods, ball-playing, wood-splitting, reading, and talking. And last night my 6-year old boy told me, “Mom, you can’t teach me that. Dad has got to do it. He is the boy, I mean the man. He is teaching me all this boy stuff. He’s got to do it. You can stick to teaching me how to cook some stuff, but dad has got to do the rest.”
Oh, see what a good thing you imperfect daddies are doing?
Blessings.
I have taken one hooky day from work when I was a teenager and I felt so guilty. I wish I had a good teacher like you when I was child.
Billy,
Cute. My mom was a nurse and we did not get to stay home unless we had a fever. It did not matter that we were hacking up a lung. we had to have the fever. I learned to heat up the thermometer too by watching E.T. But I did not put it to use much.
I only started to really observe the Sabbath rest until the last few years. It doesn’t matter how high the mountain of laundry is… it does not get done on Sunday.
As a homeschooling mom, I often long for a day of playing hookey but then you feel so guilty for taking that day off that makes the year longer and pushes that last day of school farther off.
Great post! thanks for writing it.
just a lass hiking with Jesus
This made me laugh out loud!
We have bonus hang out days here to search for adventure with one child before everyone else comes home. And there’s always ice cream or gas station food as a treat. We do have one rule – No rubbing it in!