Words
Aug 16th, 2007 by gibsondirect
I’ve always enjoyed Mike Yaconelli’s writing. I feel sad that he’s no longer with us. Every now and then, I’ll pick up one of his books and read. Just yesterday was such a day—I needed a break, so I pulled out Messy Spirituality. Mike’s story of Margaret caught my eye.
As a nine year old girl, Margaret didn’t get along with her teacher. One day upon being tardy to class, the teacher reacted by marching her to the front of the room.
Mike writes, “Ms. Garner ranted, ‘Boys and girls, Margaret has been a bad girl. I have tried to help her to be responsible. But, apparently, she doesn’t want to learn. So we must teach her a lesson.’” Then the teacher instructed all of the students to walk to the blackboard and write something about Margaret.
Mike continues: “One by one the students began a silent procession to the blackboard. One by one, the students wrote their life-smothering words, slowly extinguishing the light in Margaret’s soul. ‘Margaret is stupid! Margaret is selfish! Margaret is fat! Margaret is a dummy!’ On and on they went until twenty-five terrible scribblings of Margaret’s ‘badness’ screamed from the blackboard.”
Obviously, such shame is not easily erased. Mike tells of how after forty years, the memory was still vividly burned in her mind, and how she was “cursed to live the rest of her life in the shadow of that nightmarish experience.” There are many lessons here, far too many to discuss in this small space. However, yesterday, it brought to mind the power of our words.
Words are a dangerous game. Once said, they can never be taken back. I’ve said words that I regret. I wish I’d never said them, but now, they are forever. I try to be more careful these days. If there is any doubt of the words I’m about to say, restraint and silence is the first thing that comes to mind—at least until I’ve had a chance to pray and sort it out in calmer circumstances.
Bill Bright compiled a book by over thirty Christian men several years ago called The Greatest Lesson I Ever Learned. It has four- or five-page stories from men like Billy Graham, Chuck Colson, etc. about the greatest lesson that God ever taught them. It is a neat book.
James Dobson’s story has stuck with me. He told of a time when he had a reprimand for someone and he put it in writing. I’m paraphrasing from memory, but he said that he regretted putting it in writing because words on a page will never diminish in time. If he ever has criticism for someone, he has learned to say it verbally, because the memory can soften the blow of critical words over time. But seeing the words in writing will not let the harshness of it to go away.
Sometimes we must be critical of others. The trick is to do it constructively. I have a volunteer right now who is a problem. She is in her early eighties, has been a volunteer since the beginning of the organization, but she feels the need to go against policies and do things her way. One of my key staff members wants me to fire her as a volunteer. My problem is that this woman needs us as much as any of our clients do. So just this morning I was praying about how to approach her. I need to confront her with her obstinate behavior, but I feel beholden by God to do it in a way that leaves her built up and not torn down.
This is a good reminder to be careful what we write on our blogs and in each other’s comments. I suppose the keyboard can be a bit like the tongue. Untameable.
As to the story of the evil teacher, it makes me really, really sad. Thank God for the teachers who are wonderful, inspiring, loving, caring people.
John, good point. Even in times when we need to say words of instruction, they can be said in such a way as to lift up, not bring down.
Yes, this story just breaks your heart. I too am so thankful for great teachers. It makes me all the more thankful for all of the teachers who took the time to make a difference in my life.
Ouch, that’s harsh to the point of becoming some sort of fairy tale. You know, real “little children abandoned in the wood with only breadcrumbs” kind of thing.
Yes words. They are powerful to do good and to do evil. Every power we humans posses has the same danger. The greater the power for good, the greater the power for evil, right?