I remember a moment several years ago when I realized that most love songs can (sometimes with a bit of adjustment) be directed to a child as well as a lover.
I had a similar moment last week while listening to A Prairie Home Companion. Suzy Bogguss, always a reliable source of breakup songs (cf. “Outbound Plane,” covered by Nanci Griffith), did her “Part of Me,” the chorus of which goes:
There’s a part of me that wishes
That all my dreams come true
And a part of me that prays
I’ll wake up some sweet day over you
And I realized that that was exactly how I feel about The Church That Shall Not Be Named. Perhaps that is why I’m still stuck: not because part of me wants to “get back together” with them, but because for some reason I haven’t been able to let go of them. Some breakups just take longer to recover from than others!
Where does the satyagraha come in, you wonder? Well, ever since I read Walter Wink’s Engaging the Powers, I’ve been aware that the principles of nonviolence (satyagraha) are quite a bit more nuanced, creative, and difficult than I had understood. Like so many things of importance, you can’t do it if your heart is in the wrong (violent) place.
I suspect that one way I’ve gone wrong in this whole “recovering from church” project is by being emotionally rigid, rather than accepting the storms of grieving as they come, in a nonviolent, non-fighting sort of way. Maybe I’m at the point where yielding to a bit of wallowing in breakup songs would be salubrious. Care to suggest a favorite?
I don’t have one particular breakup song to offer (although my favorite heartbreak song is “The Shadow of Your Smile” — I don’t consider it a ‘breakup’ song as much as an ‘abandonment’ song).
When the waves of grief over the loss of the church I loved wash over me and threaten to drown me, I resort to hymns. I have saved many of my favorites to my MP3 player. I walk for hours (either in the fresh air of my neighborhood or on the treadmill on my porch), listening to hymns and mentally singing along. My favorites are “Here I Am Lord” [the part about "I will hold your People in my heart" often makes me want to cry].
There is a fabulous recording Odetta made with the Boy’s Choir of Harlem. She starts out with an awesome solo version of “We Shall Overcome” and the recording ends with an amazing version of “This Little Light of Mine” with Boys Choir. Gives me shivers every time I hear it… and never fails to inspire me and make me feel better, no matter what I may be whining or bitching about at the moment.
ITW
January 24th, 2008
Ooh! Thanks for the tip! ::: runs to Amazon :::
Satchel
January 24th, 2008
It’s hurt to lose a church you love. So badly. I do think you’re approach to thinking of this like a relationship breakup is a cool idea. Very insightful.
real live preacher
January 28th, 2008