Pastor Dan on Street Prophets posted on How to Engage Stupid Ideas and Profound Disagreement. This reminded me of a set of rules I read about several years ago, which the power of Google allowed me to find on kottke.org:
1. Release the need to be right.
2. Welcome one another’s thoughts and opinions.
3. Suspend judgment.
4. Listen for understanding, not rebuttal.
5. Make personal statements by using “I” rather than “you”.
6. Clarify first what was said before you challenge someone.
7. Take time to reflect.
8. Lean into discomfort.
9. Respond first to what was said before making your point.
10. Have fun.
I have a friend who is a fabulous listener, and he’s good at most all of these, particularly 4, 6, and 9. As a result he knows more about more things (and has a wider circle of friends) than just about anyone else I know.
EDITED TO ADD: Interesting comment on the Street Prophets post from Don Niederfrank:
There is always a need for persons to enter public discourse with the same humility and compassion which they live interpersonally. Few people do this because they get mugged.
It’s true!
You flagged this one for me and I thank you, cuz I don’t check in as much as I’d like
Much obliged for the doff of yer cap on 4,6&9 but I’m a bitch on 1, 3, 5, 7&10!!!
Laidlow
June 9th, 2008