The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator was all the rage when I worked in Silicon Valley in the 90s, and it was amusing to discover that not only were I (INFJ) and my spouse (INTJ) strongly introverted, but so was virtually everyone else who worked on the technical side. Other than being aware of my non-negotiable need for quiet/down time, I hadn’t given the matter much thought until recently.
A friend was telling me about a week her family spent camping with several other families in a group campsite. When I asked how the kids did, she reported that two of them (who are quite clearly extraverted) had a fantastic time, but the other one needed frequent breaks from all the activity. “Classic introvert,” I remarked, not thinking much about it. To my surprise she was quite offended. “He’s not really an INTROvert, he just needs quiet time!”
I let it go, but it set me to wondering: do extraverts think it’s a bad thing to be introverted? And who do they think would listen to them if everyone were extraverted?
Yes, I think extroverts believe that being an introvert is a bad thing. I have heard more than one person whom I otherwise respected trash people who are introverts for that reason alone.
I’m and INTJ. My very strong TJ tendencies make me often appear to be much more extroverted than I am. My extroverted friends often feel very free to make remarks about the introverted because they don’t know I’m one of them. It never fails to make me crazy.
NIW
August 23rd, 2008
Speculating wildly…it is all connected to Alpha/Top chimpism and “hierarchical cat kicking” Besides the simplified MB traits, they capture some other social factors in the intro/extro bin.
be prepared to be kicked if your the introvert.
not funny
Les DeGroff
August 23rd, 2008
If people understood what is really meant in being an introvert, I think they would be less apt to be offended when a friend or family member was (correctly!) identified as such.
(This from one who is strongly IN…the last two fluctuate, depending on the circumstances and the testing instrument.)
Anyway, my point is that many introverts **themselves** incorrectly shortchange themselves, put themselves down, in making the assumption that it equals shyness, aloofness, lack of social graces. As we in-the-public-eye and more-or-less socially well adjusted introverts are very aware, that ain’t necessarily so. We just need our quiet time to recharge our batteries to “get back out there”.
Though, as I think longer on it, I suppose it’s human nature to assume those who aren’t like us are “abnormal.” i.e. the introvert who whines that the extravert never shuts up - or the extravert who believes the introvert is being self-centered in seeking quiet time.
(why can’t we all just get along, eh? ha ha!)
karla
August 23rd, 2008
I too am an introvert (can’t exactly remember what my letters for the Myers-Briggs are, but INFJ sounds right). One question I have had for a while is, “Why do the extroverts always seem to set the standard of what it is to be friendly?” We introverts can be quite friendly once you get to know us. The extroverts are always the ones who get noticed, get the publicity if you will. While any publicity we get, we immediately want to go away and be alone as soon as possible. How can that be a bad thing?
Mike
August 23rd, 2008
I revel in the company of my fellow introverts — at least for awhile!
I think at least some of the extra/intro dynamics can be explained by the fact that they are a clear majority (75-25 is the statistic I keep hearing) and so they are, to some extent, justified in assuming that “normal” is like them — especially because, as Mike points out, extraverts are the ones who generally get noticed.
Which is not to say that we couldn’t use better press, because it’s plain that the word needs redeeming — one extravert at a time?
Satchel
August 24th, 2008
In defense of the extrovert (as I am one myself), we are not always out to make everyone “normal” like us. In truth, we enjoy having an audience! In my case, it’s more about a perceived unhappiness or discontent in some of my introverted friends. Some choose to be introverted because that is what truly makes them happiest- kudos to them. But some folks choose to be alone because they feel that what they have to offer is not worthy enough to warrant attention. If I feel that is the case, I will often try to validate or push someone a little outside of their comfort zone in an effort to prove to them that they have every bit as much right to be on the stage of life’s theatre as anyone else. Just not in my spotlight.
Ria
September 11th, 2008
Hmm … which came first, the introversion or the poor self-esteem? While I’m pondering that, let me assure you: your spotlight is safe from me!
Satchel
September 11th, 2008