Today, I read something in one of the books I am reading for one of my seminary classes (I can’t remember which one) about doubt and faith. I thought about that crazy disciple Thomas and I remembered a conversation I had with a friend who has a pretty literal take on the Bible. He presumed Jesus was condemning Thomas when He says to Thomas, “Blessed are those who believe without seeing.” (Jn 20:27-29) I defended Thomas and said that it was simply a descriptive statement. Thomas went on to have a huge ministry in India because he responded to Jesus’ invitation to touch by saying, “My Lord and My God, I believe.” For those who Thomas ministered, THEY believed without seeing and they are blessed.
The deeper I get into the whole ministry thing, with only a year left of seminary, I am deeply aware that I run a ragged edge between belief and disbelief, between needing that physical seeing and able to maintain the believing without seeing. I suspect I am not alone in that sensibility. And I have a deeper suspicion that the church and her rituals are designed to provide that physical experience. What is communion if not the same act that Jesus invites Thomas to participate in? We share in the body of Christ just as Thomas shared in his physical experience with Christ.
For a long time I was unwilling to walk that edge, thinking it is an all or nothing deal with Jesus. I think it still is an all or nothing relationship, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or even troubling. Teresa of Avila took communion one Easter morning and all meaning disappeared for almost 30 years. Nothing but ritual and repetitive action. But what action…prayer, sharing community with her sisters, taking communion. I walked away from the faith for about 15 years, and now I am a year away from finishing seminary. I don’t have a good explanation for the change, but I am grateful for it. Somewhere, beneath the lack of meaning, there was for St. Teresa something that trusted God was there somehow, that God was with her somehow. Which makes me think that doubt and faith are actually effects - peripheral activity of something deeper. Maybe the source of the effects of doubt and faith is that trust in God and God’s trust in us. Jesus’ conversation with Thomas is about belief, but perhaps it pointed Thomas to something deeper than mere personal assent to Jesus. And off he went to India.
Peace!
Seth
Hey Seth,
Well, you and I are in the same boat. Some people have to slog through doubt and unbelief. I like Thomas’ commitment. He may have needed to see Jesus in the flesh, but notice he was still around with the others a week later so that he got what he needed.
real live preacher
October 29th, 2007