One of the most surprising things about being in seminary - again - and having been out of the faith for almost 13 years is the experience of having thought I believed one thing only to find out I in fact believe something quite different.
First, some background to that statement above: Part of why I was in the business world for 15 years was because when I was in seminary the first time, I actually lost my faith. I was young, full of doubt and felt it would be dishonest to go into ministry without a foundation of faith. Now, I am older, still full of doubt, but at least know that faith exists in an experiential, yet supranormal, realm that does not deny doubt. Further, no one was more surprised than I when, six months after having returned to the Christian faith, I still had a calling to the ministry. Before I came back, though, I was involved in all kinds of Eastern/New Age/Personal Growth stuff - Gurdjieff, Tarot cards, Native American spirituality, Zen, etc. etc. etc. Some of it is very good stuff. Most of it, at least the way I learned it, turned out to be an avenue of self-deception and manipulation by others.
So now that I have been in seminary for 2 full years with 1 more to go, I have the luxury of being able to reflect on what I thought I believed about the nature of the world, only to be struck that what I really believe is much different. The best example was reading John Calvin over the summer. Being a liberal New Ager, I had presumed Calvin to be a theocratic hothead with a penchant for tyranny and hate. Of course, that is the common attitude of those who have not read him. I was surprised to find out that Calvin holds the natural world in a pristine view. The natural world is not fallen. It mirrors the original creation. In fact, we should, of our own created accord be able to discern the salvation and power and presence of God in all of Creation. However, we cannot perceive the presence of God because we are broken, fallen people. We need help. I read that in Book 1 of the Institutes of Christian Religion and realized that I thoroughly agreed with Calvin. Who would have thought?
I am a firm believer that the journey to and through faith is what defines our spiritual life, not the doctrines we believe. That is not to say that doctrine is not important. We need to finally make a stand for those things that matter to us. The state of our spiritual being and the state of our world do not allow for wishy-washy-ness. Rather than that place where we make a stand as an expectation for the rest of the world, it is the place we see from and make our claims from - and in that lays the power of proclamation and faith. Not in the assumption that all should believe as I do (per above, I am not real clear on that a lot of the time), but in the assumption that in knowing where I stand, I am much more able to reach out to others and find out where they stand. Do I think my ground is more stable than some other approaches? Certainly. Do I wonder about whether the grass is greener or more satisfying where others stand? Most certainly.
But it seems to me, if our overriding concern is for discovering the nature of ourselves and the truth of our lives in this world, knowing where we stand is much more inviting. After all, Calvin’s understanding of the natural world would suggest that what we see is always “through a glass darkly”. How can we know anything if we are not talking with one another?
Peace to all!
Seth
I resonate with your struggle on whether or not your faith will be propositional and physical. Orthodoxy vs. Orthopraxy. I mean, there are not clear answers and I resist anyone who makes this an all-or-nothing proposal, as though you have to be one or the other. I like anyone who is thinking in these ways.
real live preacher
November 6th, 2007